I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

Sorry. Had to get that out of my system.

Finally added The GhettoFabulous Jessica to the sprawling list o'links, something I could have sworn I did a while ago -- senility, no doubt -- and made the mistake of following a link at her place:

Hello, here is the interpretation of the astrological chart that you asked for.

Mars is in 21 Degrees Pisces.
Very sensitive and vulnerable, it is difficult for you to assert yourself. At times, you feel quite tired and you will require a lot of sleep in order to maintain your health and your strength. You are at your best when you act without your ego being important. You can be very unselfish and considerate of the needs of others. You get the most satisfaction by giving to others when you expect nothing in return. Beware of a tendency to want always to work behind the scenes or to become overly deceptive by doing things behind others' backs.

Jupiter is in 03 Degrees Scorpio.
You love to dig deep beneath surface appearances in order to find out what is really happening. A persistent researcher, you are very interested in the psychology of any situation. You tend to become overwhelmed by the complexity of what you uncover, however, and that makes you a bit gun-shy about explaining things to others. But you must learn to try to communicate as best you can because what you know is really very valuable to others.

Luckily, being a sensible, skeptical person, I don't believe a word of it.

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.