Tried one last time to make nice with the ex on New Year's Eve, in ICQ, in a conversation I probably should have saved instead of closing it in a fit of pique.
Did manage to ask if she'd received her Kwanzaa gift (she had) and wish her Nuevo Año Felicidad before the Venting began. And I learned a few things.
Apparently, I'm toxic.
Good to know, good to know.
This is why she feels we cannot ever be friends again.
S'funny, since she's a narcissistic bitch with a body count who almost convinced me it was better to swallow a bullet than spend another second dealing with her bullshit, and whose male-bashing rhetoric confirms some of the worst stereotypes about lesbians, but I'm willing to give it another go anyway.
We cannot control who we love, after all.
And I still remember the woman I knew before, oh, call it March of last year, who actually was loveable. One I talked to that last day of 2003 wasn't even vaguely likeable.
Didn't feel the urge to rise to the Venting, though, or retaliate (which one could argue is what I'm doing now, but. . . yeah, actually, I guess it is), or try to explain where she'd misinterpreted things, or mention that private emails sent to third parties while pissed off and drunk may not be an accurate reflection of how someone feels about anything, but meh.
I vented, I felt better, I tried to be nice. I got it thrown back in my face. I'm done.
Probably wouldn't even bother writing this if Neo hadn't kindly told me what the hell "toxic" means in this context, since I had no clue. Never been called that before. I suppose this will be the next poll, asking how common this opinion is. . .
And, like the last one, I'll treat the results as a punchline, because when you come right down to it, I'm not changing who I am to try to please other people anymore. Been there, done that, felt like shit as a result.
Probably ain't gonna be updating today; hope everyone has a good first weekend -- especially those of you/us enjoying a four-day weekend -- and will ask the nice people at the State of Illnois Driver's License facility if my toxicity means I get a Class B or extra sticker or something. Have to renew mine, which expires on my birthday, January 12th, so buy me stuff.