Uppity-Negro.com

"God damn, you white liberals needs to shut the fuck up and get the fuck away from me before I open this convenient can of whupass what I brought with me."

This reading is, of course, just one man's interpretation, and the one should consult the original text, What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?, rather than relying on my admittedly biased opinion:

Fellow-citizens, pardon me, allow me to ask, why am I called upon to speak here to-day? What have I, or those I represent, to do with your national independence? Are the great principles of political freedom and of natural justice, embodied in that Declaration of Independence, extended to us? and am I, therefore, called upon to bring our humble offering to the national altar, and to confess the benefits and express devout gratitude for the blessings resulting from your independence to us?

Would to God, both for your sakes and ours, that an affirmative answer could be truthfully returned to these questions! Then would my task be light, and my burden easy and delightful. For who is there so cold, that a nation's sympathy could not warm him? Who so obdurate and dead to the claims of gratitude, that would not thankfully acknowledge such priceless benefits? Who so stolid and selfish, that would not give his voice to swell the hallelujahs of a nation's jubilee, when the chains of servitude had been torn from his limbs? I am not that man. In a case like that, the dumb might eloquently speak, and the "lame man leap as an hart."

But, such is not the state of the case.

Emphasis added, because that's the sort of mood I'm in.

I'm drawing a totally arbitrary distinction here between liberals and progressives, but am confident that people who have proven, time and again, that they most definitely fall into the former category will wrongly assume they belong in the latter.

Luckily, I'm in just shitty enough a mood to correct this error on their part.

Rather looking forward to it, in fact.

Shorter Aaron Hawkins: Happy Fucking Fourth of July, assholes. Now take that shit someplace else.

Or:

You taught me language, and my profit on't
Is, I know how to curse

Which isn't that much shorter, really.