« you gave me too much room | Main | instead he sent three angels to move the river »
July 16, 2002
sweet sweet wind burn off this skin
"This makes no sense," I said. "I'm like the shortest guy here."
"Makes you a harder target," the company chief suggested.
My death glare was useless in the desert haze.
"'sides," he continued, "In 'Nam a guy your size would'a been a tunnel rat."
He was going to say it anyway, so I figured I might as well ask: ". . . tunnel rat?"
"The Viet Cong had these tunnel complexes," he gestured. "Tunnel rat would go in to make sure they were clear."
"And if they weren't clear?"
"Then we had to get a new tunnel rat."
I went out through the front gate. I asked the officer in the guardhouse if I could leave the k-bar, flak jacket and rifle there until I was done.
He looked shocked at the idea. "You'll need those," he said, "in case there's trouble."
"If there's trouble," I replied, "this stuff would only slow me down while I run like a little schoolgirl."
He raised an eyebrow. I frowned, then remembered after about two minutes to add "sir" at the end of that sentence.
"Be serious," he tried.
"I am serious. Look, if somebody tries to shoot me, is this flak jacket gonna stop a round from a decent pump-action bb gun?"
"No," he admitted.
"And is the k-bar really going to do much good if we're talking hand-to-hand combat? Assuming the enemy has a decent pair of safety scissors?"
"Not especially."
"And by the time I realize there's someone after me, am I going to have time to drop whatever I'm doing, grab the M-16, aim, and get off a few rounds while I'm on top of a ladder? Considering it's not supposed to have the magazine in it to begin with?"
"You really should leave that out until you're outside the gate. Then I can pretend I didn't see it."
"Then. . . you're not letting me leave it here?"
"That would be `no'."
From Gulf War Episode I: A New Dope
Posted by Aaron at July 16, 2002 02:24 PM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.uppity-negro.com/cgi-uppity-negro/mt-tb.cgi/125
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference sweet sweet wind burn off this skin: