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July 31, 2002
Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication
Everybody links The Onion, because they're just that damn cool. Anybody know when and why the local print editions stopped running the Drunk of the Week? Used to love that in Shampoo-Banana, because I kept recognizing folks. . .
Clinton Threatens To Drop Da Bomb On Iraq
CHOCOLATE CITY--In an address before an emergency session of Parliament Monday, George Clinton said he is prepared to drop Da Bomb on Iraq if Saddam Hussein does not loosen up and comply with U.N. weapons inspectors by the Clinton-imposed deadline of March 1.
"For Saddam Hussein to refuse to let U.N. officials inspect Iraqi weapons facilities as per the terms of Iraq's 1991 Gulf War surrender is decidedly unfunky of him," Clinton said. "While the decision to drop Da Bomb is never an easy one, unless Saddam gets down with this whole U.N.-inspection thang and seriously refunkatizes his stance by March 1, we will have no choice but to tear the roof off Baghdad."
[. . .] While polls indicate that Operation Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication Storm enjoys strong support among Chocolate City residents, many residents of the city's less funky vanilla suburbs question its purpose.
"Why are we dropping Da Bomb on Iraq if it's only Saddam we're after?" Peter Strosser, 37, said. "If Da Bomb is dropped on Baghdad, the bootys of countless innocent Iraqi civilians will be tragically loosened. Is that what we want, to turn millions of decent, reserved Iraqis into free-spirited, dance-crazed party people? I think not."
[. . .] Responding to the anti-Bomb protests among the unfunky, Clinton made an impassioned plea for unity.
"In times of crisis such as this, we must stand united, not divided," Clinton said. "We must join together as one nation under a groove, getting down just for the funk of it."
See the story for a downloadable chart of Operation Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication Storm.
Unfortunately, Clinton is out, the Bush and the Dick are running the show, and they're about as unfunkdafied as you can get. I mean, look at the people supporting them.
Somebody needs to shine the spotlight on 'em, but it won't be me.
Posted by Aaron at July 31, 2002 09:36 AM
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